(sources: Marnia Robinson, Peace Between the Sheets: Healing with sexual
relationships, Berkeley, CA: Frog, 2004; streetlightpublications.net)
You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. – W.W. Renwick
A woman’s rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re
going to have trouble with it.
A man’s rule of thumb: No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her.
If they can put a man on the moon, they ought to be able to put them all up there.
- ‘Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?’
-
‘Son, that happens in every country.’
- Her side of the story: He was in an odd mood Monday
night when we met at a bar for a drink. I’d spent the afternoon shopping
and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I
promised, but he didn’t say anything much about it. The conversation
was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so
we could talk more privately. But at the restaurant he was still acting a bit
funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something
else. I asked him if it was me, and he said ‘no’. But I wasn’t
really sure. So anyway, on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply
and he just put his arm around me. I didn’t know what the hell that meant
because he didn’t say it back or anything. I wondered if he was going
to leave me! At home I tried to get him to talk but he just got another beer
and switched on the television. Reluctantly, I said I was going to bed. After
about ten minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love. But, he still
seemed really distracted, so afterwards I wanted to confront him. Instead I
cried myself to sleep. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I mean,
I really think he’s seeing someone else.
- His side of the story: Lakers lost. Got laid though.
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. – Tim Allen
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. – Charlotte Whitton
Another’s wife is a white swan, and ours is bitter wormwood. – Russian proverb
I don’t mind women leaving me ... but they always have to tell you why. – Richard Pryor
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. – Lewis Grizzard
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very
lonely, so God asked, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Adam replied
that he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said he was going to give him a companion – a woman. ‘This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and passion whenever needed.’
Adam asked God, ‘What will a woman like this cost?’
‘An arm and a leg,’ replied God.
‘Well,’ hesitated Adam, ‘what could I get for just a rib?’
A man is incomplete until he’s married. Then he’s finished.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason
Aw c’mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out? – Bill Clinton, 1999
If you want a committed lover, look in a mental institution.
A man says (proudly) to his friend, ‘My wife’s an angel!’ ‘You’re lucky,’ says his friend, ‘mine’s still alive.’
The best way to a man’s heart is to saw his breastplate open.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby. – Natalie Wood
Good sex is like good Bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. – Mae West
‘Make love, not war.’ Hell, do both, get married!
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. – Henny Youngman
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. Irwin Corey
Im so miserable without you, its almost like having you here. Stephen Biship song title
Marriage has driven more than one man to sex. Peter De Vries
The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and
then marry him. Cher
Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs. – Chrissy, age 6
When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. – Karen, age 7
Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired. – Terri, age 4
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth. – Billy, age 4
Erotic sculptures at the Lakshmana Temple, Khajuraho, India.
Would-be celibates are advised to stay out of these positions!
